May. 27th, 2017

drugcravings: (britney 2)
well hello, i'm back again eating dominos once again. nothing's new. i have been so unproductive the past week it's not even funny, i've worked a total of barely 2 hours. i was doing so good, making so much. eh, oh well. i'm just making money to spend it on weed, so i just break even. it's not fair! i've been stuck daydreaming and fantasizing about the future lately, way too much. i just think about my life 1-2 years from now and dream about everything down to the last detail. like what color will my curtains be? what kind of a couch will i get? i've just been looking at real estate websites for the past week, getting a general idea for the price of like a condo/townhouse/apartment. i totally want to buy one, my mom said she would cosign for me so i would be able to move out sooner and have more time to apply for a credit card later. that would be so exciting it's literally all i've been able to think about! kesa would move in with me too since she works & goes to school in the area that i'm looking in, so all of my monthly expenses would be cut in half. amazing! since she's going to college in the area i know she's not going anywhere for the next four years, so i have like four years to get a better job to support myself the day she decides to move out. it's times like these where i wish i had a partner because it would be sooo much cheaper, oh well it's not the right time anyways. meeting a guy right now would be horrible timing now that i put some thought into it. 

my mom had her surgery almost two weeks ago and she's doing okay lately. she can't really get out of bed and she's going to be like that probably for another month or so. it's chill for me though, i go in her room and we talk all the time about real estate and what my future plans are. i've been looking at ikea's website and getting some inspiration for decorating styles. i'm so excited- i even have a notepad of what all my monthly expenses would consist of besides mortgage, such as cell phone, internet, groceries, etc. and it's a lot. i know i can do it though. especially since nothing is happening until around fall 2018, i have so much time to get my shit together and prepare myself aka save all my fafsa money too. i've been waiting for this for so long and i've just never seen it as realistic, always just a pipe dream. but now, there's this light at the end of the tunnel and i can finally see it!!!! it's happening!!! all on my own too!! 

i've been listening to a lot of the velvet underground recently, they're so good and they remind me of my old friend from high school named jason. when i was a senior, jason was a freshman and he suffered from autism but he was the nicest person ever, also very smart and educated with music and whatnot. he sat next to me in my creative writing class everyday that whole year, and our talks were the best thing ever. we would always mess around on the school laptops and do nothing but talk about music all throughout class. he would always show me new music and read me the lyrics and we'd laugh about them. one of his favorite bands was the velvet underground and we bonded over our mutual love for them. and so now, whenever i listen to them i think of him and get nostalgic. i texted him like the month after i graduated, but we stopped texting. i wonder how he is doing, he should be ending his sophomore year and going into junior year! WOW time is flying by, it's scary to think about, i can't wrap my head around it or comprehend the concept of time if we're being real right now. i can't believe it's only been a year since i've graduated high school, it feels like it's been 5 years. 

amanda snapchatted me like two hours ago and i just now accidentally opened it, she wants to see if i want to hangout on june 3rd. i totally forgot she told me she was free that day. i have time to think of an excuse as to why i can't go thankfully. we went out to dinner about a week ago and we were there for like three hours just talking. we bonded over our hatred for xavier but i'll save that for a different blog post.  after dinner, we both forgot where i parked and we spent thirty minutes looking for my car in different parking lots. i had an anxiety attack but we made it. i love memory loss! she's very nice and her mom loves me too, i just feel awkward sometimes because of our age gap. i am this way with every libra in my life, they're social friends. they're good friends to talk with at events, but not good friends to snapchat/text. this is all just my opinion though i don't really have anything against libras if you're a libra reading this. i'll cross this bridge with her when it comes.

kesa is currently down south visiting dylan for the weekend, which means she won't be replying to my snapchats or anything until she's back home and bored. sad but true, and i don't mind because i understand. her boyfriend lives like 3.5 hours away, that could be a tough thing to deal with. anyways, mark has been home for the past two weeks because he took time off work to take care of my mom and farm. therefore he's been home all day which makes me isolate and eliminates my option of smoking weed in my backyard. it's okay though because i've literally have just been going up to the mountains and smoking with kesa or trisha or jacob everyday. i like it better when mark is not here though honestly, when it's just me and my mom and maybe jacob it's very chill and i can smoke whenever i want. that's gonna be another amazing thing about living on my own in an apartment, is i can smoke weed whenever i feel like it on my back patio. i'm gonna decorate it all cute with christmas lights, i have the vision already! 

i got all of my disposable pictures back, which means i really need to buy another camera and start taking pictures of everything again. i know i'm gonna run out of pictures within the next couple days and i'm gonna need more content to post. and the whole process of getting them developed takes like two weeks, sadly. the pictures that i have gotten so far have been so cute though. i hate how instagram has a follow limit of 7,500 accounts! i follow all my followers back but i have around 8.2k now so i can't! i got new eyeglasses and they finally came in the mail a couple days ago, and they're so cute- i'm still not over it. they're like clear/silver aviator's. they compliment my buzz cut and eyebrows, and it's weird looking cute without having colored contacts in. i like it, my eyes have a chance to rest after wearing contacts for years. i really don't know what i'm talking about in this blog post, i'm just typing my scatterbrained, hypomanic thoughts and getting them out of my head. i've been smoking out of my window all day, and i'm debating on if i should go to work for dinner shift tonight or if i should go to keith's show in a couple hours. everyone else is going and i've been meaning to go to one of his shows, i wanna see how good his band is. i also wanted to talk to him about making merchandise for his band, that'd be cool.

i ordered seasons 1-3 of the simple life and they all came in the mail already. i watched all of them and i cannot wait to order seasons 4-5 and watch them. my favorite seasons so far are 1 and 2 because season 3 seems so much more produced than the others. you can start to tell it's scripted and it gets less funny. idk wut i'm going on about now so i'm gonna stop typing and go smoke to another season of the simple life! pray for me! lmao bye!


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June 2017

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